Victoria wishes it was possible to be sexually active and enjoy herself without feeling like a sex toy that is about to be tossed aside for a new model when somebody else comes along. But evidence to the contrary has been steadily increasing. She tried the traditional way and married when she was younger. It was a disaster. She blames her mother. The woman wouldn't let her buy a pair of shoes without trying them on first. Yet she insisted Victoria remain a virgin until after the wedding ceremony. The ring turned Victoria's finger green.
Victoria's parents never bought a car without taking it for a test drive. They didn't buy their house without inspecting it thoroughly first. But Victoria's mother insisted that Victoria enter the most important relationship of her life, without even knowing if she could sleep comfortably in bed with the man. Feeling obligated to let her mother's religion dictate morality, Victoria hoped for the best. It was a mistake. Life took a turn for the worst. Three and a half long miserable torturous years later, the marriage was over, on Valentine's day.
Victoria was determined never to make that mistake again. She wasn't sure if something was wrong with her body, her ex-husband's penis was abnormally large, or if the two of them simply weren't a good fit. But one thing was certain: sex hurt every time they did it, for three years.
Freshly divorced, Victoria embarked upon a quest for the big O(rgasm) in the sky. She was looking for the magic man with the magic wand, with whom she could come. Never again would she put her brand on a pony, until she had taken him for a ride. She met some men on her journey, who were fantastic lovers, but none of them wanted to be in a relationship for long. After a while Victoria began to feel disposable and devalued.
Ten years and sixty two men later, Victoria's therapist suggested that she might want to try the traditional route, and get married. But Victoria views traditional marriage as the road to long term misery. She says a ring, a ceremony, and a license from the state are not what constitutes a real marriage. She has felt closer to men she's only known a few weeks, than the man she "married".
A true marriage is something that happens between two people who love having sex together, are best friends, feel loyal to one another, devoted to a partnership in life, faithful to tandem spiritual growth, and committed to the formation of a transformational bond. Marriage is something you practice, like meditation.
But the lovers Victoria has known, who could have inspired her to marry, have never wanted to be in a relationship for long. She has also known men, who wanted to marry her. But she dreaded the thought of sleeping with them every night. Victoria wonders if the men who wanted to marry her, felt used and thrown away when she refused to get married, and started dating somebody else.
Victoria doesn't want to hurt anyone, nor does she want to repeat her mistake of the past and marry somebody who isn't sexually compatible. Sex should be fun, not work. She wonders why none of her lovers, who are the most fun in bed, ever want to get married. She suspects it is because they have attained a level of sexual mastery that makes them universally compatible. They can have any woman they want, and they want them all.
Victoria is a skillful and competent lover. She is a Sensuous Virtuosa. She knows how to make loving fun. She's also noticed it's easier to have sex with some men than others. The lovers who are most difficult to accommodate sexually, are always the ones who want to stay in a long term relationship with her. The men who are most fun in bed, move on to other relationships very quickly.
The thing that frustrates Victoria most, is that it takes time and practice for her to start tuning into to a man's energy field, to develop a sensual intuition for him, and become accustomed to his love making style. When she starts to know a man well enough to feel at one with him, her trust level increases, and she surrenders more deeply into the sexual experience. That's when sex becomes divinely juicy. Unfortunately, men can feel it when her heart opens and the Sacred Tremor begins. They become alarmed. They tell her they don't want to be in a relationship. They move on to somebody else.
Victoria would like to be in relationship with a skillful lover who will stay long enough for them to coordinate a mutual simultaneous orgasm. She is tired of having to masturbate herself to an orgasm during sex, or fake one, because they don't know each other well enough to come together. She hates being abandoned when deep satisfaction seems nigh. Victoria is beginning to wonder if she will ever meet a man, who is skillful enough to ignite the sacred tremor, with both the courage and the desire, to bathe his soul in the divine frequency, long enough to become enlightened.
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